Friday, August 17, 2012

The Ultimate Super Pac Campaign


Mr. Stewart and Mr. Colbert,
First of all, thank you for taking the time to form an exploratory committee to orally examine the exchange of information and funding through available now utilizing the post-Citizens United Super Pac. After your Super Pac made $1,023,121 as of January 30, (I am sure it has gone up even more at this point); I remember you discussed what to do when you determined Mr. Colbert running himself was not a tenable option. So I was wondering if you are trying to figure out where to spend that money in the upcoming weeks (even though the amount in it seems barely consequential considering the $512 million the ad total reached today for the 2012 election). While it would be too partisan to use it for either candidate or party; I think both sides would potentially agree (and do be careful, because both sides agreeing may in fact cause the galaxy to rupture!) on the following proposal.
The Super Pac campaign I’m proposing is simply enforcing the Americans right to criticize, whine, complain, and protest the result of 2012 election by voting. While there’s still time, for voters of all demographics, let's encourage them to take the time to make sure their registration is current, make sure they have an ID and get out there to vote for who they want. Basically tell them; "If you sit on your *expletive* and don’t show up, you are abandoning your inalienable right to b#$%^ about it. If you don’t vote, we don’t want to hear about it for four years!”
Broadcast, print, and non-traditional means such as blogs and social media platforms have already made so much money off of the 2012 election so far that they may even permit the potential people below to participate, (if their acting agents can watch and use it claiming to have been part of it and using the campaign in future schmoozing at a later point). Some who would likely assist you both gratuitously include:
·         Alec Baldwin
·         George Clooney
·         Hillary Clinton
·         Chris Christie (if he can fit through the studio door!)
·         Rush Limbaugh (as above with Christie!)
·         Brad Pitt
·         Angelina Jolie
·         Paul Rieckhoff
·         Bruce Springsteen
·         Martin Sheen or Jeff Daniels (heck, bring along Aaron Sorkin for the ride!)
·         Meryl Streep
·         Tim Tebow (but only if you give Eli Manning a shot too!)
·         Rachel Maddow
·         Seth Macfarlane
·         Clint Eastwood
·         Bruce Willis
·         Will Smith
·         Tommy Lee Jones or Josh Brolin if you want the younger version!)
·         Even Sarah Palin (Heck, have Tina Fey sit in; nobody will be able to tell the difference anyway and she may appear saner or at least smarter!)
To accommodate the lovely 10 states that recently passed photo ID laws; efficiency matters now as there are less than 100 days left for such a campaign any efforts would have a somewhat tight deadline at this point. I also realize that you are both probably going to be a bit busy bouncing around the conventions for the next couple weeks, but if you’re interns have a chance to research whether the Colbert Super Pac funds (in whichever of your control it is although I don’t know if you can confer with one another to ascertain whose role that is now) are allowed to be utilized for such a purpose. Ah well, give it a shot and see what happens!

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